Saturday, July 16, 2011
For whatever reason I slowed down at the gym in the past two weeks, it just seems as though so many other things came up, that had to be taken care of, so my gym time was pushed to the back burner.
I actually went three times this week, which isn't so bad...but I also know that gym or no gym as long as I adhere to the eating plan I have been following (Atkins low-carb) I lose weight...with or without the gym.
For me, working out 4-5 times a week has not sped up the weight loss process. For whatever reason my body no longer responds to working out the way it did in my early twenties :) I'm also not obsessing the way that I have been in the past about what I actually weight...I figure as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, in time the weight will come off. So overall I've been doing good and sticking with it...then I woke up today.
What a crab ass I am...I'm mid-cycle which means "Welcome" PMS.....along with the mood swings come the cravings....and I am craving.
Pasta with Italian bread and butter and soda real soda not diet crap...God have mercy on my soul!
Carbs, carbs and more carbs.....I almost want to try and see if I could handle it, for one day, but I still have the fear that if I veer off course, even for one day, in a nutshell I will be screwed. So if the craving begins to outweigh the fear, I think I'm gonna be in trouble, so I'm doing this writing about it, to hopefully see if it will help me work through these temporary feelings until they and the cravings pass.
But what are they about, because in all truth I am not hungry...at all. But I am feeling out of sorts, I wonder if that goes back to me being starving spiritually, I know when I crave foods...typically I'm going through uncomfortable feelings.....aaarrrrrrggggg, will any of this craziness I go through ever make sense???
Till it all does...I catch up with you later,
Sunday, July 3, 2011
At first the reasons behind why I was trying it out was simply to lose the weight, but I have found that I lost a lot more in this short amount of time. Many of my so called "emotional" blocks as well as "spiritual" blocks seems to have been lifted to some degree.
What I means is that life feels inspiring again. It still has it's up's annd downs in the moment, but overall and in general my sense of self and well being feel lighter and lifted into a better state of being.
I know..that's sort of spacey, but how I feel none the less.
I started another blog... Mighty Delighty, it's all about my cupcakes and my passion for decorating them; I'm giving a go at trying build a business from home, because for now baking works. Ironically enough I make the most killer cupcakes and baked goods and yet I don't even dare to take the smallest lick of the batter or the tiniest bite of a cupcake. I'm just not willing to fall off this wagon I'm on for a taste of the deadly sweet.
So till my next weigh in.....
Monday, June 27, 2011
Thank goodness, because honestly it was doing more harm than good. Working with a tape measure is so much more encouraging ,although I do admit I still obsess over "what" I might weigh at this point in time. Now with all that out of the way, I'm certain that I don't know where to begin, so I will just write and see what happens.
I am 37 years old, I have an associates degree, several mismanaged attempts at degree based careers, a lot of college credits,two young children, one man I am to marry at some point in time and I NEED to figure out what I want to do for my life. I have people pushing me back in the direction of college, then I have the others that tell me I need to get a job part time to re-discover myself outside of the home and the role of Mother, then I have the others that tell me.....
Follow your heart....I like those the best.
I know I have been caught up in the role of Mother for the past few years and as of late I have been trying desperately to re-discover myself, this blog being a huge part of that journey once again. But what I have found is that I am impressionable, especially when highly emotional charged. Ideas that seemed as pleasant as chewing glass and drinking bleach, seem almost an escape clause to my life when I'm in the midst of an emotional upheaval. Hence the divided camps of supporters that have been rallying me to go back to school and/or get a job. Sounded great at the moment, but much less appealing right now. I'm not sure of a lot of things, but there is one thing I am sure of....
I have an insane desire to create or I believe I will go mad.
So what do I do with this driving force...sometimes, I write, I used to draw...now I bake and decorate things......I LLLLLLOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE to do it. And I think that is a direction I can go in, but then again...I do not know where to begin.....but I know even in that, it's a beginning of some sort, or at the very least a subtle way of taking charge of whats in my heart and letting God lead me the rest of the way. But for now, that is all!!