tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-876733434079754252024-03-13T14:43:15.814-04:00The Process of a Miracle....Is it possible to transform every aspect of one's life in such a way that can only be described as a miracle?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger161125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-30043492994655660922011-07-16T12:01:00.000-04:002011-07-16T12:01:14.730-04:00Slow, but down.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://italiancookingschool.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/pasta-carbonara.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="http://italiancookingschool.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/pasta-carbonara.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>I thought I had posted more recently, but looking at my last post I see that it has been close to two weeks. Either way, here I am posting now. A lot has slowed down in the two weeks, <i>but</i> I am still losing. In fact I have lost an additional two pounds, bringing the total lost 17 lbs. to date.<br />
<br />
For whatever reason I slowed down at the gym in the past two weeks, it just seems as though so many other things came up, that had to be taken care of, so my gym time was pushed to the back burner.<br />
<br />
I actually went three times this week, which isn't so bad...but I also know that gym or no gym as long as I adhere to the eating plan I have been following (Atkins low-carb) I lose weight...with or <i>without</i> the gym.<br />
<br />
For me, working out 4-5 times a week <i>has not</i> sped up the weight loss process. For whatever reason my body no longer responds to working out the way it did in my early twenties :) I'm also not obsessing the way that I have been in the past about what I actually weight...I figure as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, in time the weight will come off. So overall I've been doing good and sticking with it...<b><i>then</i></b> I woke up today.<br />
<br />
What a crab ass I am...I'm mid-cycle which means <i>"Welcome"</i> PMS.....along with the mood swings come the cravings....and I am craving.<br />
<br />
Pasta with Italian bread and butter and soda real soda not diet crap...God have mercy on my soul!<br />
<br />
Carbs, carbs and more carbs.....I almost want to try and see if I could handle it, for one day, but I still have the fear that if I veer off course, even for one day, in a nutshell I will be screwed. So if the craving begins to outweigh the fear, I think I'm gonna be in trouble, so I'm doing this writing about it, to hopefully see if it will help me work through these temporary feelings until they and the cravings pass. <br />
<br />
But what are they about, because in all truth I am not hungry...at all. But I am feeling out of sorts, I wonder if that goes back to me being starving spiritually, I know when I crave foods...typically I'm going through uncomfortable feelings.....aaarrrrrrggggg, will any of this craziness I go through ever make sense???<br />
<br />
Till it all does...I catch up with you later,<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-24183458870568960012011-07-03T17:32:00.000-04:002011-07-03T17:32:46.232-04:00Losing it all<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hoodedhawk.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/blocks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://www.hoodedhawk.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/blocks.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Here I am 15 lbs. lighter in 8 weeks and super duper excited! If I can lose that in 8 weeks time, imagine how much more I can lose if I stick with it! Now <i>that</i> motivates me to continue doing this whole low-carb lifestyle thing.<br />
<br />
At first the reasons behind why I was trying it out was simply to lose the weight, but I have found that I lost a lot more in this short amount of time. Many of my so called "emotional" blocks as well as "spiritual" blocks seems to have been lifted to some degree.<br />
<br />
What I means is that life feels inspiring again. It still has it's up's annd downs in the moment, but overall and in general my sense of self and well being feel lighter and lifted into a better state of being.<br />
<br />
I know..that's sort of spacey, but how I feel none the less.<br />
<br />
I started another blog... <a href="http://mightydelighty.blogspot.com/">Mighty Delighty</a>, it's all about my cupcakes and my passion for decorating them; I'm giving a go at trying build a business from home, because for now baking works. Ironically enough I make the most killer cupcakes and baked goods and yet I don't even dare to take the smallest lick of the batter or the tiniest bite of a cupcake. I'm just not willing to fall off this wagon I'm on for a taste of the deadly sweet.<br />
<br />
So till my next weigh in.....<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-49196940681282169092011-06-27T14:08:00.000-04:002011-06-27T14:08:01.338-04:00Where do I begin?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.discoverwoodlandhills.com/images/InTheBeginningLIGHT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="155" src="http://www.discoverwoodlandhills.com/images/InTheBeginningLIGHT.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Okay, first things first.....I am still eating the low-carb way of life. My total intake of carbs is still at approximately 20 grams or less per day, I am still hitting the gym 4-5 times per week AND I am losing inches....I didn't write weight, because surprisingly enough my scale broke last week and I can not longer use that as a measurment system.<br />
<br />
Thank goodness, because honestly it was doing more harm than good. Working with a tape measure is so much more encouraging ,although I do admit I still obsess over "what" I might weigh at this point in time. Now with all that out of the way, I'm certain that I don't know where to begin, so I will just write and see what happens.<br />
<br />
I am 37 years old, I have an associates degree, several mismanaged attempts at degree based careers, a lot of college credits,two young children, one man I am to marry at some point in time and I NEED to figure out what I want to do for my life. I have people pushing me back in the direction of college, then I have the others that tell me I need to get a job part time to re-discover myself outside of the home and the role of Mother, then I have the others that tell me.....<br />
<br />
Follow your heart....I like those the best.<br />
<br />
<br />
I know I have been caught up in the role of Mother for the past few years and as of late I have been trying desperately to re-discover myself, this blog being a huge part of that journey once again. But what I have found is that I am impressionable, especially when highly emotional charged. Ideas that seemed as pleasant as chewing glass and drinking bleach, seem almost an escape clause to my life when I'm in the midst of an emotional upheaval. Hence the divided camps of supporters that have been rallying me to go back to school and/or get a job. Sounded great at the moment, but much less appealing right now. I'm not sure of a lot of things, but there is one thing I am sure of....<br />
<br />
<br />
I have an insane desire to create or I believe I will go mad.<br />
<br />
<br />
So what do I do with this driving force...sometimes, I write, I used to draw...now I bake and decorate things......I LLLLLLOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE to do it. And I think that is a direction I can go in, but then again...I do not know where to begin.....but I know even in that, it's a beginning of some sort, or at the very least a subtle way of taking charge of whats in my heart and letting God lead me the rest of the way. But for now, that is all!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-1635935899870006002011-06-21T13:33:00.000-04:002011-06-21T13:33:53.589-04:00Hungry.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.wildpantry.com/images/frazzled%20mother.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.wildpantry.com/images/frazzled%20mother.jpg" width="186" /></a></div>So I am here again, much sooner than I had anticipated, but here none the less. So a bunch of "stuff" has surfaced since the last time I posted and I thought it appropriate to try my very best to sort through the mess of it all here.<br />
<br />
The key word being "try".<br />
<br />
I have had my two children in the course of three years, the first of which I got pregnant with only 9 months into the relationship I was in. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, there were so many alterations in my lifestyle and our life in general that we didn't realize how our relationship had changed and would continue to change. Fast forward to the next pregnancy, and the year after my second daughter's birth; where is our relationship...I don't know, we forgot about it along the way.<br />
<br />
We were so busy adjusting to being parents and tackling this new role, I don' t think we understood that we were in someway choosing to grow apart as we grew into the parents and people we are now. Left neglected love is like a flower with no sun and no water, without nourishment love can die. I'm not stating that our love is dead, but it's getting there which this brings me to the point of all this..<br />
<br />
I've been starving!<br />
<br />
Not physically, but emotionally and spiritually . I haven't been getting my emotional needs met through the relationship for some time and I lost myself to the role of Mother as well. I mistakenly thought the emptiness gnawing away at my insides was hunger, which it was...but I was feeding the wrong parts of myself. The more I stuffed in me, the hungrier I became..and the heavier I got.<br />
<br />
I couldn't see this, was really blinded to it all, till I started changing the dynamics of my eating plan and really participating in my life in other ways, besides being a "Mother". But I see it now, see it more clearly than I ever have, which in itself is a relief, because once I see the problem at hand I know the polar opposite of the solution is not far off.<br />
<br />
I feel terrified of living my life again, terrified of being responsible for my feelings, terrified of what is to come, but find comfort in the inner knowing that it will be better than what I am faced with at this present point in time. So I'm going to keep moving forward and keep embracing the revelations that come to me in this fantastic journey of re-discovering who I really am.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-23006799663026166912011-06-17T14:55:00.000-04:002011-06-17T14:55:33.660-04:00Decommited<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://images.mylot.com/userImages/images/postphotos/2427996.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://images.mylot.com/userImages/images/postphotos/2427996.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><i> </i>Initially I had mentioned that I wanted to write for thirty consecutive days, then amended that to state I would write thirty times...and maybe it would be in a row. Bottom line is that I just don't have the time or self discipline to commit to that, not right now anyway. So I'm going to give myself a break and do the best I can with the time I have.<br />
<br />
Which means I will do my very bestest, to write at least once a week and if time allows more.<br />
<br />
But on to the good news, I dropped another pound. Which is awesome, but of course it's not enough. I still want massive drops each week. When I get frustrated I visualize what a pound of butter looks like and know that I'm glad I dropped one of them, because all in all a pound is a pound, better to have lost then to have gained. I'm still eating according to the low-carb lifestyle. For any given day I consume approximately 20 grams of carbs, of which come mainly from veggies and such. I am still hitting the gym 4-5 days a week and my clothes...<br />
<br />
They are begining to fit better.<br />
<br />
I have been trying to decipher they relationship I have with food and why it is has been so self destructive throughout the years, haven't found an answer quite yet, but when I do, I will definitely write about it. Well I am rambling and not about anything so grand, so I'll leave it at that.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-38634463881998951232011-06-11T21:50:00.000-04:002011-06-11T21:50:14.271-04:00The Weigh In.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S0An4Oc3ses/SqcHR2C3Z5I/AAAAAAAAAJ0/1ZiCPI021ts/s1600/full_moon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S0An4Oc3ses/SqcHR2C3Z5I/AAAAAAAAAJ0/1ZiCPI021ts/s200/full_moon.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>So I am down a total of 12 lbs. since I started this way of eating 5 1/2 weeks ago (May 3rd to be exact). I am finally...<i>FINALLY</i>, back in a regular clothing size. <i>HUGE</i> sigh of relief there! I feel as though there is really a light at the end of the tunnel...the fat tunnel that is.<br />
<br />
I actually just bought a shirt at a store tonight, without having to try it on, what a freedom that is, especially when I got home and not only did it fit, but it looked good. So this is where I am at...positive and feeling good, <i>but</i> I was struck with an odd sensation the other day which has slowly enveloped my whole being.<br />
<br />
<i>Cravings</i>...serious ones.<br />
<br />
Sugar, starch; you name it! Which is so crazy since that hasn't occurred at all since starting this. The only thing I can attribute it to, is as loony as it may seem is the forthcoming Full Moon. I know that seems a bit off center, but every month as the moon swells to her full size in the night sky, I go through crazy carbohydrate cravings, which in the past I have indulged in. But for now I have not, nor do I plan on falling prey to them.<br />
<br />
I have more to share especially changes I have made to my workout routine and such, but this is really all the time I have for now!!<br />
<br />
Hasta la pasta!!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-12958703565935180902011-06-09T15:25:00.000-04:002011-06-09T15:25:21.123-04:00Yippie!So a few things came up since yesterday, which have left me compelled to write about them; starting with the three pound weight reduction since stopping with the atkins bars. <br />
<br />
"YIPPIE" <br />
<br />
But I'm sure you can gauge my excitement! I'm not broken, I figured out what the problem was and I solved it, makes all this so much more enjoyable to continue doing! I planned on writing a bit today and maybe I will try and add to this later, my littlest one just awoke from her nap. So that's all the time I have for now, but there are so many exciting things brewing...can't wait to get them all down!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-64514021504985065292011-06-08T21:24:00.000-04:002011-06-08T21:24:18.554-04:00Finding Time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.myrightfoot.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/ucm149940.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="69" src="http://www.myrightfoot.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/ucm149940.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>When I started this whole "I'm gonna write again" thing, I definitely did not realize how challenging it would be to squeeze a few extra moments out of the day in order to do it.<br />
<br />
Because it's been a challenge.<br />
<br />
Between taking care of two small children, getting to the gym, watching what I eat, keeping up with the house work, paying all the bills on time and then doing whatever other menial tasks pop up;by the time I have a few minutes to write, it's the last thing I want to do.<br />
<br />
But I think about it all the time, I really do.<br />
<br />
But when push comes to shove, I for the most part choose to zone out with whatever new book I am reading at the moment. But that's not to say that I am not commited to this life change that I am completely and fully imeshed within at the moment...<br />
<br />
Because I am, committed that is.<br />
<br />
As of late I have been doing as much research as possible in order to really understand the dynamics of my body, my metabolism and what I can do to be the best I can be. And let me tell you there is a lot of information out there...A LOT. Some of it resonates with me, some doesn't peak my interest at all, but none the less, I am taking the time to see what other people's experiences have been with the many different type of low carb living eating lifestyles that are abound. This tends to keep me focused and allows me to try different things.<br />
<br />
On another note...I seemed to have stalled in regards to my weight loss. I wasn't really sure why or what could have been causing it, but a few back steps and I realized what happened. I had to stop eating the Atkins bars. As wonderful as they are, they are stalling my weight loss, I haven't gained, but I also stopped losing. And when I took them out of the equation, lo and behold the scale confirmed that these were the culprits stalling me.<br />
<br />
As for my weight loss totals, I'll add them in on Friday. Not sure if I will post again till then anyways, I'll try, but I'm thinking maybe not.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-34876585453314889812011-06-03T21:59:00.000-04:002011-06-03T21:59:41.774-04:00Down<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://gay-christians.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/feeling_down.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://gay-christians.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/feeling_down.png" width="110" /></a></div>So today was the big weigh in...well not so big. But it was the point in time in which I told myself I was allowed to get back on the scale. And the big reveal......drum roll please. <br />
<br />
I gained back three of the four pounds I lost on the fat fast, but ultimately still lost one pound since I started the fast fast. Bottom line, for me the fat fast wasn't something to permanently shed weight, just a tool to get me started after I stalled out for a bit. So the total weight loss for the month I have been following Atkins is a little over 9 lbs. Not so bad, wish it was more, but it's a start in what I hope and pray is the right direction.<br />
<br />
On another note, I'm still a total bitch, I still am having cravings....Hopefully they both will pass soon...for the sake of those all around me, <b>real soon</b>.<br />
<br />
Where I am at otherwise is sort of here, there and no where all at once. I'm not really sure who I am anymore, beyond being a Mother. I lost my groove sometime after I gave birth and just when I was getting it back...<br />
<br />
Bammo...I got myself preggers again.<br />
<br />
So here I am, wandering, wondering and hoping that as I keep writing that something inside of me takes hold and allows me to shine again, because for the most part I feel like a frumpy old Mom. Not such a good look or <b>feel </b>for me. All in all I got nothing for today, and I'm pretty positive I'm not going to write again this weekend, I just don't think I will have the time.<br />
<br />
So until I find more time....<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-63112254696371396592011-06-02T13:58:00.000-04:002011-06-02T13:58:46.901-04:006 Day Break<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.justcalendar.org/calendar/calendar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="http://www.justcalendar.org/calendar/calendar.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>So what was supposed to be a three day weekend turned into a six day break from writing. Honestly I don't have much to say, I'm too busy being a complete and totally bitch.<br />
<br />
I'm PMSing......and boy do I hate me right now.<br />
<br />
I'm still sticking to my eating plan and I have been going to the gym. In the arena of the physical aspects of myself I am doing quite fine, but in the emotional arena of life, I'm failing miserably.<br />
<br />
I was taking a supplement a few months ago called Maca Root, which really seemed to help the emotional Merry Go Round I had been stuck on month to month. But when I started changing my eating habits, I stopped taking any supplements, since I wasn't sure if they would have a negative effect on what I was trying to accomplish. But in hindsight, I think I will have to start taking them again, because...<br />
<br />
I JUST CAN'T STAND MYSELF!!!<br />
<br />
I'm craving food like I used to, but without the actual desire to act out and eat high carb, sugar laden foods. Sort of a weird place to be in...craving and not craving at the same time. But I guess after acting on those impulses during my cycle for so many years, it's a habit that still will rear it's ugly head. On a positive note...I have not cheated or fell victim to any cravings!<br />
<br />
So tomorrow is the 3rd of June and the day in which I will weight myself. For the most part I have not obsessed about it till today. This morning I was going to jump on the scale, But talked myself out of it, only because I am trying, trying, trying really hard not to act on my obsessions; what ever form they may take in a given moment in time.<br />
<br />
But for now that is all the time I have, my little one just awoke from her nap!<br />
<br />
Till Tomorrow!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-7192735737003559562011-05-27T21:35:00.000-04:002011-05-27T21:35:02.337-04:00Three Day Weekend<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/blogs/images/sfgate/localnews/2007/01/25/soapbox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.sfgate.com/blogs/images/sfgate/localnews/2007/01/25/soapbox.jpg" /></a></div>Nothing much is going on today...just really mentally preparing myself for the weekend. I have a lot of events occurring and I just want to enjoy myself, but without falling prey to any temptations that may lurk...which I know they will.<br />
<br />
I'm not one to stand upon a soapbox and spout to all near and far what they should be doing based upon what I am doing. I am more of a person that if asked will generally give you my experience on a situation or circumstance, if I have any. Otherwise I can really do much but tell you, what I think I might do in a given circumstance. I also find it loathesome to have to defend my position or choices, if they do not fall under the umbrella of what someone else believes. <br />
<br />
With that said, I know I will have to do my fair sharing about what I am doing, because I'm going to eat according to plan, and to avoid temptations of sweets, I will be armed with Atkins snack bars. They always hit the spot if a craving does occur. Which as of late is less and less, but I would rather be prepared that fall victim to my own shortcomings.<br />
<br />
So I have decided that I will not weight myself till June 3, that will be exactly a month since I started following the Atkins way of eating, and I believe a monthly weigh in is easier on my mental self than weekly ones. Overall I am rambling, I don't have much to write, but I did want to stay on the whole consistency bit, so I made this effort! But on another note I may not be able to squeeze any extra time out this weekend to write so I may have to wait till the whirlwind of events that are before me are over, but who knows!<br />
<br />
Happy Memorial Day Weekend!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-79664115791025339932011-05-26T17:47:00.000-04:002011-05-26T17:47:13.690-04:00Empowered<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.z2systems.com/opencms/opencms/z2systems/images/empowerment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://www.z2systems.com/opencms/opencms/z2systems/images/empowerment.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>So despite my desire to <b>not</b> step on a scale, that is exactly what I did this morning. And I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I had dropped 4 lbs. since I started the fat fast three days ago. My happiness wasn't so much about losing, although that was a definite bonus; but more about the fact that what I am reading, what I am researching and the new ideas that I am embracing....simply work.<br />
<br />
Yuparooni, they are working...for me anyway. <br />
<br />
The more I read and the more I take control of what I choose to research in regards to how my body works and how foods are metabolized I am pleasantly surprised to discover that I am normal. What I mean in this is that there is something I can do to control how I look and feel....instead of being a victim of the wrong information that has and never worked for me.<br />
<br />
I feel empowered.<br />
<br />
Finally after exerting so much time and energy trying to fruitlessly control, people, places, situations and circumstances outside of myself in order to feel better. I have discovered for the moment a way to control myself, my thoughts and my actions to have a result that makes sense. All based upon the new information I am gathering up. It's moments like this that help to reinforce that what I am doing has some validity to it! And allows me to keep moving forward with a smile on my face!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
Till next time,<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-35413380344015782752011-05-26T14:24:00.000-04:002011-05-26T14:24:58.445-04:00Forwards and Backwards<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://us.cdn3.123rf.com/168nwm/saddako/saddako1101/saddako110100552/8708133-grilled-hamburger-on-a-plate-with-salad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://us.cdn3.123rf.com/168nwm/saddako/saddako1101/saddako110100552/8708133-grilled-hamburger-on-a-plate-with-salad.jpg" /></a></div>Today marks the three day point in the fat fast and I can honestly say that I am not hungry in the slightest bit...<b>but</b> that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about food. In all reality I think about it constantly.<br />
<br />
More specifically I have been thinking of a nice big green salad topped off with a juicy cheeseburger...hold the bun of course.<br />
<br />
So strange....not to be craving bread or other sugary evils that lurk all around. I feel as thought I may be losing but am terrified to step on a scale. I know that even if I do lose it won't be enough, I think at this point in time there is no magic number that would ever constitute enough. So I don't do it, simply because I want the power I keep giving to it to be re-directed somewhere else into something more conducive than a stupid number.<br />
<br />
I'm actually trying to keep away from all the temptations..trying on clothes that haven't fit in a while, measuring myself...simply because that is not the reason why I am doing all of this. Well, it's part of the reason, but ultimately it's to stop looking and judging myself based upon these silly little outside systems of measurement that exist only in <b>my</b> mind. I'm sure everyone has there way of measuring there self worth, unfortunately, these are mine at the present point in time.<br />
<br />
So, to change it all...how am I doing that?<br />
<br />
By being proactive, filling my head with new ideas about health, eating and how our bodies process different types of food. If I'm going to create new beliefs I need a new soil of information for these ideas to root themselves in. I have also been going to the gym every single day...well the last three days. I am not pushing myself to the limits, but keeping myself at a steady pace....and I am not judging how well I perform based on how many calories the treadmill tells me I burned. <br />
<br />
Overall, where I am at this point of time, is nowhere in particular. One foot is still in the old aspects of my beliefs, whereas my other foot is dipping itself into the velvety waters of new refreshing ideas.<br />
<br />
And, my goodness do these new waters feel better than the murky ones I have allowed myself to drown in for long!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-48624395977941318362011-05-24T15:21:00.001-04:002011-05-26T17:49:52.741-04:00No more scales!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQYFQYuztB_6GCKdSr_E_45FCdkXw4PfQKPWepl7CMCD6xTuxlB" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQYFQYuztB_6GCKdSr_E_45FCdkXw4PfQKPWepl7CMCD6xTuxlB" width="200" /></a></div>So as I mentioned yesterday the eating plan that I am and have been following for the past month is the Atkins diet. As many people do I lost some weight during induction, then seemed to stall out for the past two weeks. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost either.<br />
<br />
I find it amazing and yet really lame that I can destroy most of my mornings by the simple act of stepping on a scale.Why, why, why do I allow that little hunk of plastic to mock my attempts...So when I stepped on the scale and realized I still haven't lost anything, I was to say the very least very disappointed.<br />
<br />
<br />
I haven't cheated, I've followed the guidelines, I've removed items that may stall me out...and yet the scale stays stuck and I fell like the worlds biggest failure. Of, course something must really be wrong with me, if I can lose on the diet that so many have lost on!<br />
<br />
Well, that's what I tell myself anyway.<br />
<br />
So I decided to try to kick it up a notch and start a fat fast for the next few days, to see if that will help me kick start my loss yet again. But in the meantime, I struggle with wanting to step on a scale. I acceptance of self that I have so desperately looked for outside of myself for so long, has yet again returned with a vengeance through the measurement of my weight. It goes a little something like this...<br />
<br />
If I lose weight = I am a good person, a worthy person.<br />
If I stay the same or gain = LOSER.<br />
<br />
So sad, because if anyone told me this about themselves I would tell them it wasn't true, yet for myself it remains that way. So I have decided not to worry about the scale....for today, hopefully for tomorrow and will just allow this process to be what it is, without looking to poke holes in in through my somewhat seemingly non-failure.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-76087641965129758032011-05-23T13:34:00.000-04:002011-05-23T13:34:05.480-04:00Oooooops...So after my heartwarming declaration about being determined, consistent and writing for the next thirty days, I need to admit that the only reason I didn't write yesterday was because....<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UDpS2PWmueQ/Ro8oFLwnXVI/AAAAAAAAAAU/_jNNtnM3mBY/s1600/Angel_Dream.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UDpS2PWmueQ/Ro8oFLwnXVI/AAAAAAAAAAU/_jNNtnM3mBY/s200/Angel_Dream.jpg" width="192" /></a><br />
I forgot.<br />
<br />
Yup, that's it, no big mind twisting event or sad self pity act I found myself lost within...I simply forgot.<br />
<br />
I sooooooo want to beat myself up, but fought the temptation to look deeper into the issue to find the sub-conscious reason. Because in all reality I'm not used to doing this anymore. Once a hard habit that needed to be done each and every day, with all the new aspects that have blossomed in my life the past few years, this form of self therapy has been put on the back burner.<br />
<br />
The really, way, way, way back burner.<br />
<br />
So it may take me a few to really feel the habit of it once again, needless to say, I did not allow the one miss to make me throw my hands up in utter defeat, but to allow myself to realize I may just forget again at some point.<br />
<br />
Shockingly I am human and sometimes forget things.<br />
<br />
So with all that said...back to the issue(s) that brought me back to this page within the blogosphere...my attempt to rediscover the part(s) of me that have seemed to have wandered away and gotten lost in the past few years.<br />
<br />
I haven't mentioned what type of eating plan I have been incorporating in my daily, but just so it's out there and known, I am eating the Atkins way of life. I have some experience in reducing my carbohydrate levels, only to discover that I lost weight in the process. This was due to a diagnosis of gestational diabetes, in both my pregnancies. So for me, a lower carbohydrate eating plan is something that has worked for me in the past.<br />
<br />
But now to the present....this point in time now, where I seem so resistant, or my body rather, to anything and everything. I know that the only thing that is holding me back is.....<br />
<br />
Me.<br />
<br />
My thoughts, my ideas, my way of thinking and being that will either allow me to overcome this challenge or be consumed by it wholly and completely. And I can tell you the way that I think about, food, diets, exercise and weight loss in general is so twisted and morphed that I know how challenging it is going to be to get through this.<br />
<br />
When I was in my twenties, I would go out dancing all night, every night, snorting, swallowing and smoking any and every type of substance that would keep me on the dance floor. And never struggled a day with wearing <b>anything</b> I wanted to...I would drop pounds left and right, and rarely if ever struggled with choices in clothing. But I was such a waste of a size "0"...because I still thought I was fat...go figure right.<br />
<br />
So I know more is in my head that is ultimately projecting outwardly onto my appearance, so I need to readjust my perspective....A LOT. And that is what I hope to do within the next thirty posts that I write (notice I didn't mention days) re-adjust my perspective and allow myself to release the inner and outer beliefs that have manifested upon me as excess weight.<br />
<br />
So until the next time.....<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-73365264348905846532011-05-21T23:26:00.002-04:002011-05-23T13:36:23.445-04:00Nothing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3480/3468225111_1b99314539.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3480/3468225111_1b99314539.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>So here I am...another day, the third day to be exact; and that determination, that willingness, that fire I felt burning within me a few days back...<br />
<br />
It has sort of, kind of simmered down a bit.<br />
<br />
It's late Saturday night, well past the predicted time of rapture that was supposed to occur. I really wanted to stay snuggled in my bed and get all into a new book I just downloaded onto my kindle. ( I know, I am <b>such</b> a Saturday night party animal!) But knew I had to follow through with my original plan, even if I didn't <b>feel</b> like doing it. So I trudged downstairs and started this post which will be one that will say nothing, delve into more nothingness and do nothing more than I've already written above.<br />
<br />
Except....<br />
<br />
Reinforce the decision I made a few days back, allowing me to know I am complying with my original intention.....even if I have nothing to write or muse about in the moment. So I'll leave it at that, even in the nothingness of what I wrote, I myself know that it means a lot more than that!<br />
<br />
Till Tomorrow,<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-15912578681434431702011-05-20T14:14:00.001-04:002011-05-23T13:36:12.826-04:00Cleaning House<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWRxVuQtXNXLZ3NLXzpjhX21Rdzz88YfsO_PDCUpmqDh9E_c0pkIbXqk1ozjEEpublbaWqL_d-HiFQZuyJhI_ucjV5py3E1wWNB0bcMKjzHuDImbQTg1MTaSA7kZ2F_bEdqY-BDlDJSTs/s400/50s+housewife+cleaning.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWRxVuQtXNXLZ3NLXzpjhX21Rdzz88YfsO_PDCUpmqDh9E_c0pkIbXqk1ozjEEpublbaWqL_d-HiFQZuyJhI_ucjV5py3E1wWNB0bcMKjzHuDImbQTg1MTaSA7kZ2F_bEdqY-BDlDJSTs/s200/50s+housewife+cleaning.bmp" width="200" /></a></div>When I woke up this morning I was greeted by that old familiar feeling, which goes a little something like this...<br />
<br />
I don't feel like getting up , I wanna just roll over and go back to sleep...<br />
a real deep sleep, the kind of sleep I used to take for granted before I had two kids and since then have forgotten about the sweet slumber of blissful irresponsibility.<br />
<br />
*Sigh*<br />
<br />
Needless to say with much reluctance I dragged myself up out of bed to tend with the two little ones who have obliterated my chances at rolling back over and calling it a day.<br />
<br />
So I wonder what was this about? This feeling of I don't want to participate in life, primarily my own life today? I sat at my kitchen table sipping a delicious cup of morning coffee, simply looking around at how wonderful and blessed I was; yet feeling almost awful about it all. I realized right then and there, that the time had come for me to yet again examine and re-examine what was really going on inside as well as outside of me.<br />
<br />
It was time to clean house....literally as well as figuratively.<br />
<br />
I know that my outsides have the capacity to reflect my insides, but my outer conditions also serve me as a sometimes grim reminder of whats going on inside of me. Mirrors, mirrors everywhere. Let's be honest here, it's been sometime, since I've really had a chance to look inside or outside of me, but I know that it needs to be done, before I fall of the cliff of my own sanity and settle into being something that I am not.<br />
<br />
So I began cleaning...the outside that is.<br />
<br />
It often amazes me how I can blissfully ignore what is around me, in order to not have to deal with whatever" it" may be. But like anything in life if "it" need to be moved, released, dealt with, kept or passed on.....it will come to my attention at some point or another. Alas, today was that "another" point. <br />
<br />
Cluttered home...cluttered mind.<br />
<br />
Needless to say, as I cleaned outside of me, I felt a huge sigh of relief from inside of me....as though my inner self was telling me, "Finally, now that we made room in here, let's start really cleaning the clutter up."<br />
<br />
Ironically enough, when it was all sparkly, clean and uncluttered I felt the same way..energized, willing, ready and able to keep myself committed to one more day of loving myself enough to do what I need to do to be the best I know I am. <br />
<br />
Till Tomorrow,<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-50192327993937569192011-05-19T13:52:00.001-04:002011-05-19T13:56:41.693-04:00The Decision.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.a-personaldietitian.com/triglicerides_diet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.a-personaldietitian.com/triglicerides_diet.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>So I have made a decision, one that I am going to stick to with every single aspect of my entire being. <br />
Just for today though, no promises of what I will do tomorrow.<br />
<br />
I'm going to write every day for the next thirty days.<br />
<br />
So what has brought me here, back to the place where the beginning of the most amazing journey of my life began roughly three years ago.<br />
<br />
I'm a fattie...yes I admit it I am a F.A.T.T.I.E!<br />
<br />
<br />
Since popping out two children in less than two years my body has gone through a transformation that in many ways has been quite miraculous, but in many other ways not so much.<br />
<br />
I have lost my way and I'm trying to get back on track. I know that many of the challenges I encounter in my life, are more often than not simply life's subtle disguises of good fortune, a call to my inner self to step up my game and get back to business of discovering who I really am.<br />
<br />
Truth be told, I am not this person I have allowed myself to become in the last two years, this is not me, never has been me; Yet my reflection in the mirror reveals more than I would like to see, and I don't even want to get started on the multitude of ways the bathroom scale mocks me.<br />
<br />
So hear it is, I said it, so now what am I going do about it?<br />
<br />
Change it! Change it all, be the person I know I am and let go of all this excess baggage in the next thirty days. Seems like a lot to do, but I think if I can give it a go, I may discover that thirty days is exactly the correct amount of time for anything to happen, maybe even a miracle.<br />
<br />
Till tomorrow,<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsJ8YYQ2fI0/TdVV9gBDg2I/AAAAAAAAALM/jYsaxleZdaM/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" /></a></div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--yZ6F-TtTew/TdVVZNabNHI/AAAAAAAAALI/mmZcCthPG44/s1600/MightyMorgan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-74848430924698034922011-05-18T16:04:00.000-04:002011-05-18T16:04:04.843-04:00I've said it before...I've said it before and I'm super duper positive I will say it again...and probably again.<br />
<br />
I may be back.<br />
<br />
I can't and won't say for sure, because each day is filled with so much uncertainty that to be certain that I can devote myself fully and completely to this blog, is to say it lightly....<br />
<br />
An illusion on my part.<br />
<br />
But time and time again I am drawn back to this blog, to this place in virtual space and compelled to put upon this digital page my deepest thoughts and desires.<br />
<br />
But I am going through yet another transformation, one that has been brewing in the back of my mind for quite sometime....One that I have wanted to manifest, but just have been unable to, that is until now to embrace.<br />
<br />
Hopefully I will be able to share this with you as it unfolds....or not.<br />
<br />
<br />
MightyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-36409428659379037762011-01-17T22:44:00.000-05:002011-01-17T22:44:08.855-05:00Another go....I think I may be back...<br />
<br />
My desire to write again has manifested into a somewhat obsession. I think about it constantly; waiting, wondering if I might pull from the day a few extra morsels of time to free a few of the one million and twenty thoughts that whirl throughout the grey folds of my mind.<br />
<br />
But then something comes up...<br />
<br />
Sami wakes from her nap.<br />
Tabi wants to be fed.<br />
A phone call is answered.<br />
<br />
There seems to always be something.<br />
<br />
But I digress...<br />
<br />
I'm ready to start writing again, start the process back up again. I'm ready to build upon the miracle I set into motion a little almost three years ago.<br />
<br />
My God...has my life changed since then. <br />
<br />
That's about it for now, but I know something is coming, a change is a brewing.....and I'm gearing up for what's next.<br />
<br />
<br />
MightyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-74282008183269700892008-08-25T16:12:00.001-04:002008-08-25T16:13:47.999-04:00Changing the reflection<div class="entry-content"> <p><img class="alignright" style="float: right;" src="http://inlinethumb54.webshots.com/34485/1335190227057877683S200x200Q85.jpg" alt="" height="200" width="150" />Today is simply one of those days that pulls from the past, a moment in time of who I used to be. I often wonder if enough time will ever pass in which I feel completely and totally safe from the effects of the actions I displayed throughout my active addiction.</p> <p>I know that the things I may have done while I was active are in no way shape or form a reflection of who I am today, but yet I am realistic enough to understand that things I have done…</p> <p><strong>I will always be judged by.</strong></p> <p>A piece of my past that has the capacity to allow someone to form an opinion of me based upon who I have been and not who I now am….it sucks.</p> <p>But it’s mine, I can’t change what I did.<br />I can never erased the event.<br />I can never say I didn’t do it.</p> <p>Because I did…and it’s mine.<br />But I changed….I know I have.</p> <p>The way that I live on a daily basis is living proof of the power of change that is available for those who make a conscious decision to be more then the limits of who they have been. Whatever I have done, whatever I continue to do, will always have the capacity to be diminished by the actions of my active addiction.</p> <p>So what can I do, how do I accept this and continue to move forward?</p> <p><strong>Step by step…fully and honestly.</strong></p> <p>I did what I did.<br />It harmed others.<br />It harmed me.</p> <p>And it changed the course of my life onto this path of self-discovery I now <a href="http://www.linkworth.com/context-ads/context_track.php?prt_website_id=27790&hash=a937916dc6c23c01f134de5e1f0a1f08&miva_keyword_id=45&url_real=http%3A%2F%2Fus01.xmlsearch.findwhat.com%2Fbin%2Ffindwhat.dll%3Fclickthrough%26y%3D61164%26x%3DoI5Di6kL%3BLgkHiVXPbK2sUJfHNFW%3BIXqXUIGZfK7GsOIgUIf6fR8cfXqYeOMkKmdb6oM8SgVjK5pwfJfbB8p6cJVg7rrPEKgpB9G86%3A2gE8kpIkc4MViQar7yQmC4j5GnbLZq1XclbqxBbx2qSvqQUuy7r82rlsGi994FNdrnP%24D8&url=www.CafeMom.com&p=0.06" onmouseover="InitializeMivaTimer(this, event, 'showMivatip',45);self.status='www.CafeMom.com'; return true;" onmouseout="InitializeMivaTimer(this, event, 'hidetip',45); self.status=''; return true;" target="_blank" class="lw_cad_link">travel</a>. It has allowed me to not judge others so harshly for the wrongs they may commit, because I know that I do not wish to be condemned by my past, although at times I will</p> <p>It keeps me on my toes and allows me to never forget the power I have within me to be a destructive force and also allows me the opportunity to choose to be more then the limits that some may wish to keep me in.</p> <p><strong>Because I know of the capacity to change the reflection of my past.<br /></strong></p> <p>I often wonder if the day will ever come in which the reflection of who I used to be, will no longer have the power to taint my present day with the actions of my past. Will that freedom ever be something I will have or will this always be a part of my past that will always re-appear?</p> <p>I want to believe that in this life I will one day have the opportunity to re-define this aspect of my life, like I have done with so many other areas; but am unsure how this can or will ever occur. I know that my willingness to be more that a low-down junkie has allowed me to discover the truth that I am more then that simple label….</p> <p><strong>And more then words could ever have the capacity to define fully.</strong></p> <p>If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy the following……….</p> <p>~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/09/16/the-process-of-becoming/" target="_blank">The Process of Becoming</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/11/19/the-spaces-in-between/" target="_blank">The Spaces In-Between</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/11/28/love-falling/">Love Falling</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/11/27/new-shoes/">Magic Shoes</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/12/20/simply-beautiful/" target="_blank">Simply Beautiful</a><br />~ <a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/12/06/it-takes-courage/" target="_blank">It takes Courag</a><a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/12/06/it-takes-courage/" target="_blank">e </a></p> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-1410486613618439232008-07-28T17:31:00.000-04:002008-07-28T17:32:01.658-04:00Everything you need to begin your job searchAre you ready to get a job but need some advice on how to start? SnagAJob.com, the largest website for <a href="http://www.snagajob.com/">hourly jobs</a>, has everything you need to get your foot in the door. With features like job search advice, job descriptions of the most popular hourly jobs, and interview and resume tips, you’ve got a one-stop-shop for your job search. And with the easy-to-use ZIP code search tool, you can search for jobs in your area with the click of your mouse. Also, check out the community section called <a href="http://www.snagajob.com/off-the-clock/">Off the Clock</a> where you can vote in fun polls and enter contests to win prizes like gift cards. So start your <a href="http://www.snagajob.com/job-seeker/jobs/search-results.aspx">job search</a> off on the right foot with SnagAJob.com.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-8529883081703361412008-07-07T10:59:00.002-04:002008-07-07T11:00:31.143-04:00The Miracle<img class="alignright" style="float: right;" src="http://inlinethumb11.webshots.com/458/2196855340050986932S200x200Q85.jpg" alt="" />What began as <a href="http://processofmiracles.blogspot.com/2007/06/process-of-miraclean-experiment.html" target="_blank">a 30 day experiment </a>I started last June 24, 2007, turned out to be the first steps onto a <a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2008/01/27/the-path/" target="_blank">path</a> that would lead me in changing my life in every possible way…for the better.<div class="entry-content"> <p>There are days much like today when I look around at the life I live and wonder how I ended up living the exact life I said I wanted to live.</p> <p>Is it all just a coincidence?<br />Was it just the way that my life was to unfold anyway?<br />Or was it more.</p> <p><strong>I believe it was more then any of those things.</strong></p> <p>What began as a huge leap of faith across the canyon of my mind, transformed all the aspects of my life in every possible way allowing me to start believing in the <a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/11/27/new-shoes/" target="_blank">magic</a> of life once again. At the beginning of the experiment…</p> <p>I was contemplating suicide.<br />I was jobless.<br />I had no money to feed myself.<br />I had no type of social life.<br />I had to leave my home within 30 days or less.<br />I felt powerless in the grand scheme of all things.</p> <p>These things were nothing that I wanted my life to be, I wanted more; but I had no idea how to get out of the cycles of thinking and behaviors that kept me trapped within them. In the midst of all the outer chaos of my life at the time, something happened that made me start to fight for the last pieces of myself that told me life was more then the events and circumstances of the present moment.</p> <p>It wasn’t anything spectacular.<br />There was no parting of the clouds above.</p> <p>It was more of a gentle nudge from within that let me know that the equation for life that I had been desperately trying to live by, would never, ever, ever offer me the results I believed they would. I woke up one morning seeing my life for exactly what it was and decided that if my life was going to change…</p> <p><strong>It was all on me…I had to change in order for my life to change.</strong></p> <p>I can see now that everything that was happening and the way that it was happening was all occurring for one reason and one reason only. It was an opportunity for me to change the dynamics of my life; I had to take full responsibility for myself and for the way that my life would be from that moment on.</p> <p>I had no understanding of what would happen as a result of me diving within myself to re-wire the way that I thought and felt, but I did know that if they way that I believed changed then eventually the way thay I experienced the world around me would change along with the new beliefs.</p> <p>I traveled into my past, present and future to re-define the way that I felt about events, circumstances and situations. I had to, or I would never free myself from the external prison they had become. It seemed like each day or the experiment revealed something new to me and allowed me to re-examine aspects of my life that had wounded me spiritually; and to find a lesson of growth and gratitude for what had already occurred what was occurring and for what would occur.</p> <p><strong>As the way that I thought and felt about my life changed….everything around me began to change as well.</strong></p> <p>Throughout the journey there was a lot of things that came up.</p> <p>Painful stuff.<br />Scary stuff.<br />Exhilarating stuff.<br />And just stuff.</p> <p>There were moments I felt like giving up, finding another job, settling back in the limits of the life that I knew…but something wouldn’t let me. Throughout the experiment, even in the greatest moments of uncertainty, something within me kept nudging me forward, even when I felt I didn’t have the strength to take another step.</p> <p>That something was hope.<br />That something was my inner spirit.<br />That something was me.</p> <p>I have allowed who I was at the core of my being to be shoved, shaped and molded into someone I thought I should be, never for a moment realizing it was never who I was meant to be. I believe we all have those aspects of ourselves with us at all times. Some of us, like myself struggle with allowing this part of ourselves to shine forth, while there are others who willing embrace this aspect of themselves.</p> <p>I never embraced who I was.<br />I didn’t know I could.</p> <p><strong>And then one day, it was time for me to be who I was…and I embraced the challenge head on.</strong></p> <p>At the beginning of the experiment I knew what I didn’t want from life…</p> <p>I didn’t want to trade my time for a job that would never adequately be able to compensate me for the actual value of time.<br />I didn’t want to miss out on my family anymore.<br />I didn’t want my life to be nothing more then work, sleep, work, sleep.<br />I didn’t want struggle and sacrifice to taint another moment of my life.</p> <p>I knew what I didn’t want, because it was all around me and I was miserable. So I had to start dreaming and thinking about what I did want. Initially to venture forth into what I did want was a challenge; allowing myself to begin thinking about what I did want presented me with the many roadblocks in my thinking that had kept me from wanting anything more for a long time.</p> <p>I had to dream about what I wanted.<br />I had to think about what I wanted.<br />I had to understand anything I wanted was possible.</p> <p>I couldn’t allow myself to get caught up in the obvious distraction of “how” I would begin to experience and receive the life I wanted, I had to just see it as if it I was already having and living the life that I wanted. The “how” of the equation would only serve to lead me back to the limited thinking that had produced the results of the live I had already lived.</p> <p>I wanted to live in my own home.<br />i wanted a beautiful garden filled with a rainbow of flowers.<br />I wanted to fall in love with someone who who loved me as much as I loved them.<br />I wanted to write for a living.<br />I wanted to help other people.</p> <p><strong>I just wanted to be happy.</strong></p> <p>It’s just a little over a year since the experiment began and this is the very life I am in living. Halfway through the experiment I made the decision to move back to Long island to stay with my parents for a little while….a month or two later I crossed paths with the man I am now madly in love with; and who loves me just as much.</p> <p>I live with him in a beautiful home with my rainbow garden filled with flowers.<br />I help people like myself on a daily basis and let others know that the life I have is the life they can have if they choose to have it.<br />I have a wonderful network of friends and family that bursts the seams of my social calender.<br />I write for a living on my own website as well as several others and am in the process of finishing my first book.<br />I have not traded a moment of my time behind a desk working for someone else.<br />I have a beautiful magical life.<br />I am happy.</p> <p>I started my <a href="http://processofmiracles.blogspot.com/2007/06/process-of-miraclean-experiment.html" target="_blank">experiment</a> because I wanted to know if anything was truly possible and what I discovered on that journey was simply…the miracle of this life.</p> <p>If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy the following……….</p> <p>~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/09/16/the-process-of-becoming/" target="_blank">The Process of Becoming</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/11/19/the-spaces-in-between/" target="_blank">The Spaces In-Between</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/11/28/love-falling/">Love Falling</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/11/27/new-shoes/">Magic Shoes</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/12/20/simply-beautiful/" target="_blank">Simply Beautiful</a><br />~ <a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/12/06/it-takes-courage/" target="_blank">It takes Courag</a><a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/12/06/it-takes-courage/" target="_blank">e </a></p> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-29368187415613768752008-07-07T10:57:00.000-04:002008-07-07T10:58:29.800-04:00Smoothie Recipes<p>In the summer a great way to cool down is with a cool and <a href="http://www.smoothieweb.com/">easy smoothie recipe</a>. Smoothie Web is able to give you a years worth of recipes to try.</p> <p>Some favorite smoothies are the <a href="http://www.smoothieweb.com/category/strawberry-smoothies/">strawberry smoothies</a>.</p> <p>Want to start your day off right, try some of the <a href="http://www.smoothieweb.com/category/breakfast-smoothie-recipes/">breakfast smoothies</a>. They are packed with energy and good stuff.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87673343407975425.post-2879912039510380632008-07-01T08:42:00.000-04:002008-07-01T08:43:14.007-04:00Spiritual Wounds<img class="alignright" style="float: right;" src="http://www.artchive.com/artchive/m/munch/thumb/scream.jpg" alt="" height="197" width="160" />I know better then anyone, the situations and events that have transpired in my life that have wounded me emotionally. I have put forth great effort in regards to making peace with my past that have continually followed me into each and every day.<div class="entry-content"> <p>Through my journey of self discovery, I have learned to be gentle with myself, gentle with others and to know that hope exists.</p> <p><strong> And that I can, have and will find freedom.</strong></p> <p>I developed many behaviors throughout my life in order to cope with particular events, that at the time I had no capacity to process or deal with. Methods of protecting myself from the lashes of life inflicted upon my inner spirit, that have have oozed out pain and hurt, infecting every area of my life.</p> <p>At a very early age the innocence of my childhood was stolen through the actions of another and I found myself silenced by the burden and shame that the situation forced upon me. Through time I have permitted myself to release what never belonged to me in the first place; but still found that there was unfinished business.</p> <p>The traumas of the spirit and heart live on long after the original situations have passed and for me, I have learned the importance of allowing myself the opportunity to go back to redefine the past.</p> <p><strong>To heal the parts of myself that never stopped reliving those moments.</strong></p> <p>There are layers of denial, justification and rationalization that moments of my past are encrusted within and as each day passes I find the strength and courage to break through these method of self deception in order to allow myself the freedom of self I deserve.</p> <p><strong>The freedom to say what has needed to be said for much too long.</strong></p> <p>I had the opportunity this past weekend to re-visit my past, allowing me the chance to set things right, to let go of hurts and to embrace who I have been fully and completely in order to release it and be more then limited aspects of my past.</p> <p>Along the way I met, fear, uncertainty and insecurity; the voices that torture me with the constant chitter chatter in my mind that tells me I am not enough and will never be enough. I met my father and my abusive ex who spewed the venomous words that have crippled me for so long. I faced myself at the present moment in time, who I was at thirty and most importantly I met myself at age seven when my life changed course directly through the actions of another.</p> <p>I did none of this alone and was guided and nudged gently along the way by love and support at my side, letting me know I would be alright, I was safe, no one could hurt me and I was free to say what had to be said.</p> <p><strong>I screamed</strong>.</p> <p>I screamed for the voices to be quite.<br />I screamed for the voices to shut the fuck up.<br />I screamed for the little girl who no-one protected.<br />I screamed at those who should have protected me.</p> <p><strong>I cried.</strong></p> <p>I cried for the little girl left with the mess of another.<br />I cried for the woman I became.<br />I cried for the hurt that I have carried for so long.<br />I cried for the pain that has never been addressed.</p> <p><strong>I spoke</strong>.</p> <p>I spoke to myself at seven, letting her know that she was safe, that no-one could hurt her anymore.<br />I spoke to myself at thirty, letting her know I was sorry for allowing her to become what she did.<br />I spoke to myself in the present moment and let her know it was okay to let all of this go, that we no longer had to carry it anymore.</p> <p><strong>I hugged.</strong></p> <p>I hugged myself at seven and told myself that I loved myself.<br />I hugged myself at thirty and let myself know I was okay.<br />I hugged myself in the present moment, releasing the past of it’s grip on me.</p> <p><strong>Resolution.<br />Healing.<br /></strong></p> <p>When the scenario was complete and I came back to the present moment in time I was shocked to find myself in a peaceful state of mind, a state that tapped into the hope that had been pushed down so long allowing me to see a vision of my life free from these wounds that had been formed so long ago.</p> <p><strong>I found the freedom that was within me waiting for me to reclaim it.</strong></p> <p>———–</p> <p>If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy the following……….</p> <p>~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/09/16/the-process-of-becoming/" target="_blank">The Process of Becoming</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/11/19/the-spaces-in-between/" target="_blank">The Spaces In-Between</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/11/28/love-falling/">Love Falling</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/11/27/new-shoes/">Magic Shoes</a><br />~<a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/12/20/simply-beautiful/" target="_blank">Simply Beautiful</a><br />~ <a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/12/06/it-takes-courage/" target="_blank">It takes Courag</a><a href="http://themiracleprocess.com/2007/12/06/it-takes-courage/" target="_blank">e </a></p> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0