Monday, June 27, 2011
Where do I begin?
Thank goodness, because honestly it was doing more harm than good. Working with a tape measure is so much more encouraging ,although I do admit I still obsess over "what" I might weigh at this point in time. Now with all that out of the way, I'm certain that I don't know where to begin, so I will just write and see what happens.
I am 37 years old, I have an associates degree, several mismanaged attempts at degree based careers, a lot of college credits,two young children, one man I am to marry at some point in time and I NEED to figure out what I want to do for my life. I have people pushing me back in the direction of college, then I have the others that tell me I need to get a job part time to re-discover myself outside of the home and the role of Mother, then I have the others that tell me.....
Follow your heart....I like those the best.
I know I have been caught up in the role of Mother for the past few years and as of late I have been trying desperately to re-discover myself, this blog being a huge part of that journey once again. But what I have found is that I am impressionable, especially when highly emotional charged. Ideas that seemed as pleasant as chewing glass and drinking bleach, seem almost an escape clause to my life when I'm in the midst of an emotional upheaval. Hence the divided camps of supporters that have been rallying me to go back to school and/or get a job. Sounded great at the moment, but much less appealing right now. I'm not sure of a lot of things, but there is one thing I am sure of....
I have an insane desire to create or I believe I will go mad.
So what do I do with this driving force...sometimes, I write, I used to draw...now I bake and decorate things......I LLLLLLOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE to do it. And I think that is a direction I can go in, but then again...I do not know where to begin.....but I know even in that, it's a beginning of some sort, or at the very least a subtle way of taking charge of whats in my heart and letting God lead me the rest of the way. But for now, that is all!!