Monday, May 23, 2011


So after my heartwarming declaration about being determined, consistent and writing for the next thirty days, I need to admit that the only reason I didn't write yesterday was because....

I forgot.

Yup, that's it, no big mind twisting event or sad self pity act I found myself lost within...I simply forgot.

I sooooooo want to beat myself up, but fought the temptation to look deeper into the issue to find the sub-conscious reason. Because in all reality I'm not used to doing this anymore. Once a hard habit that needed to be done each and every day, with all the new aspects that have blossomed in my life the past few years, this form of self therapy has been put on the back burner.

The really, way, way, way back burner.

So it may take me a few to really feel the habit of it once again, needless to say, I did not allow the one miss to make me throw my hands up in utter defeat, but to allow myself to realize I may just forget again at some point.

Shockingly I am human and sometimes forget things.

So with all that said...back to the issue(s) that brought me back to this page within the attempt to rediscover the part(s) of me that have seemed to have wandered away and gotten lost in the past few years.

I haven't mentioned what type of eating plan I have been incorporating in my daily, but just so it's out there and known, I am eating the Atkins way of life. I have some experience in reducing my carbohydrate levels, only to discover that I lost weight in the process. This was due to a diagnosis of gestational diabetes, in both my pregnancies. So for me, a lower carbohydrate eating plan  is something that has worked for me in the past.

But now to the present....this point in time now, where I seem so resistant, or my body rather, to anything and everything. I know that the only thing that is holding me back is.....


My thoughts, my ideas, my way of thinking and being that will either allow me to overcome this challenge or be consumed by it wholly and completely. And I can tell you the way that I think about, food, diets, exercise and weight loss in general is so twisted and morphed that I know how challenging it is going to be to get through this.

When I was in my twenties, I would go out dancing all night, every night, snorting, swallowing and smoking any and every type of substance that would keep me on the dance floor. And never struggled a day with wearing anything I wanted to...I would drop pounds left and right, and rarely if ever struggled with choices in clothing. But I was such a waste of a size "0"...because I still thought I was fat...go figure right.

So I know more is in my head that is ultimately projecting outwardly onto my appearance, so I need to readjust my perspective....A LOT. And that is what I hope to do within the next thirty posts that I write (notice I didn't mention days) re-adjust my perspective and allow myself to release the inner and outer beliefs that have manifested upon me as excess weight.

So until the next time.....

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