Friday, May 20, 2011
I don't feel like getting up , I wanna just roll over and go back to sleep...
a real deep sleep, the kind of sleep I used to take for granted before I had two kids and since then have forgotten about the sweet slumber of blissful irresponsibility.
Needless to say with much reluctance I dragged myself up out of bed to tend with the two little ones who have obliterated my chances at rolling back over and calling it a day.
So I wonder what was this about? This feeling of I don't want to participate in life, primarily my own life today? I sat at my kitchen table sipping a delicious cup of morning coffee, simply looking around at how wonderful and blessed I was; yet feeling almost awful about it all. I realized right then and there, that the time had come for me to yet again examine and re-examine what was really going on inside as well as outside of me.
It was time to clean house....literally as well as figuratively.
I know that my outsides have the capacity to reflect my insides, but my outer conditions also serve me as a sometimes grim reminder of whats going on inside of me. Mirrors, mirrors everywhere. Let's be honest here, it's been sometime, since I've really had a chance to look inside or outside of me, but I know that it needs to be done, before I fall of the cliff of my own sanity and settle into being something that I am not.
So I began cleaning...the outside that is.
It often amazes me how I can blissfully ignore what is around me, in order to not have to deal with whatever" it" may be. But like anything in life if "it" need to be moved, released, dealt with, kept or passed on.....it will come to my attention at some point or another. Alas, today was that "another" point.
Cluttered home...cluttered mind.
Needless to say, as I cleaned outside of me, I felt a huge sigh of relief from inside of me....as though my inner self was telling me, "Finally, now that we made room in here, let's start really cleaning the clutter up."
Ironically enough, when it was all sparkly, clean and uncluttered I felt the same way..energized, willing, ready and able to keep myself committed to one more day of loving myself enough to do what I need to do to be the best I know I am.