Monday, August 25, 2008

Changing the reflection

Today is simply one of those days that pulls from the past, a moment in time of who I used to be. I often wonder if enough time will ever pass in which I feel completely and totally safe from the effects of the actions I displayed throughout my active addiction.

I know that the things I may have done while I was active are in no way shape or form a reflection of who I am today, but yet I am realistic enough to understand that things I have done…

I will always be judged by.

A piece of my past that has the capacity to allow someone to form an opinion of me based upon who I have been and not who I now am….it sucks.

But it’s mine, I can’t change what I did.
I can never erased the event.
I can never say I didn’t do it.

Because I did…and it’s mine.
But I changed….I know I have.

The way that I live on a daily basis is living proof of the power of change that is available for those who make a conscious decision to be more then the limits of who they have been. Whatever I have done, whatever I continue to do, will always have the capacity to be diminished by the actions of my active addiction.

So what can I do, how do I accept this and continue to move forward?

Step by step…fully and honestly.

I did what I did.
It harmed others.
It harmed me.

And it changed the course of my life onto this path of self-discovery I now travel. It has allowed me to not judge others so harshly for the wrongs they may commit, because I know that I do not wish to be condemned by my past, although at times I will

It keeps me on my toes and allows me to never forget the power I have within me to be a destructive force and also allows me the opportunity to choose to be more then the limits that some may wish to keep me in.

Because I know of the capacity to change the reflection of my past.

I often wonder if the day will ever come in which the reflection of who I used to be, will no longer have the power to taint my present day with the actions of my past. Will that freedom ever be something I will have or will this always be a part of my past that will always re-appear?

I want to believe that in this life I will one day have the opportunity to re-define this aspect of my life, like I have done with so many other areas; but am unsure how this can or will ever occur. I know that my willingness to be more that a low-down junkie has allowed me to discover the truth that I am more then that simple label….

And more then words could ever have the capacity to define fully.

If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy the following……….

~The Process of Becoming
~The Spaces In-Between
~Love Falling
~Magic Shoes
~Simply Beautiful
~ It takes Courage

5 comments:

Limoeg said...

It is an amazing article. It can be very useful for us. Thanks for the great job.

Collocation said...

It is a shame that so many people get judged by history rather than present. I have made some mistakes in the past but corrected those mistake, but still get flak for them every once and a while.

alinka said...

Great blog...

Casinos said...

Hello,
Man will male mistake , this is nature's rule.We all have dome mistakes once in a while in our pasts. But these are used to judge your history? Past is past, and always be careful with your present and future.You will get chance to overcome your past mistakes , bu doing some good works.please do not miss those chances.Is is given by GOD.

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