I love sex.
And I have written about it a lot.
Here's the thing
I have had opportunities of late.
They always seem to just miss.
Just seem to not happen.
There are no coincidences.
I think...I hate to say it, that I want sex to MEAN SOMETHING
*(vomit). Oh god...I am one of those now. Don't get me wrong
I want all of those things I described in Day 11. I just want them
with someone I care about
Until then...batteries and porn it is.
But it is a milestone. And one I am proud of. It will involve
cutting some men out of my life. Men to whom I am a sexual
Believe me, I allowed it.
I loved it.
I craved to be looked at that way...you know the drill.
"Beautiful girls want to be called smart.
Smart girls want to feel beautiful."
I am a smart girl......you do the math.
I can say that there are a few men who randomly call or email
and I allow this sexual banter to exist. Lately it hasn't really
held up to scrutinizing. I haven't enjoyed it, more continued it
based on habit alone.
I am not against purely physical relationships. I had an extended
one with a SEXY Puerto Rican for over 10 years.
We were friends.
We were lovers.
But that was truly unique.
He was a special person.
I would gladly break the rules for him.
SO here I am at this strange crossroads.
Craving human contact, but at the same time redefining what
I see as a positive experience.
low fertile valleys
tidal waves of love
coursing through my veins
bursting through tear ducts