Monday, August 27, 2007
Day 15...Home Economics
Pattern: a combination of qualities, acts, tendencies, etc.,
forming a consistent or characteristic arrangement: the
behavior patterns of teenagers.
Definition and example both so poignant.
I wrote earlier that I have lost touch with the energy that
was present in the beginning of this journey. In the midst
of my sadness today came an old and often times experienced
revelation.
I weave destructive patterns with men.
This is not about a man I may see and want to sleep with
.....but rather the pattern of men like the engaged ex.
or like the most current obsession - we will call him Mr. BW
Pattern for soul dancer's destructive damsel's dress:
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3 comments:
Before you can have a healthy relationship with anybody else, you have to have a healthy relationship with yourself. You have to learn to love yourself. I know how difficult that is. I am an incest survivor. I have been writing about my childhood of abuse and learning to love myself on my blog. I am older than you and still find myself working on this one. Most of the time I am in a good place and able to love myself these days. That wasn't true when I was younger.
This can be very, very simple... today can be the day it actually happens, I hope that's okay with you...
Now, this is probably going to be a little bit of a stretch for you, so I'm going to start with a good little trick you can use: give yourself a little time to grieve, when the feelings come on, tell yourself "okay I'm going to give myself twenty minutes to mope..." at the end of the twenty minutes, exhale and say "okay, I'm done with that now" and begin to think of what you want rather than what you don't want. I'll give you an example from your post above: "I wrote earlier that I have lost touch with the energy that was present in the beginning of this journey." Stop right there! Been there, done that... to death! that's not what you really want, what you really want is to NOT lose touch with that energy, so go: "I remember the energy from the beginning of this journey, I want to maintain it".
A little later you write "I weave destructive patterns with men". This may be what happened, but it's not what you want. What you want are constructive patterns- What does this look like? Spend your time thinking about that. And make it vivid! see it, feel it, live it!
Sex is fun - sure. But no-sex is fun too - all that sublimated creativity.
It won't kill you to be without a partner for a while. As long as your focus is only on desire, you'll have trouble.
Focus on what's more important. Give up striving, and let the right person show up. Meanwhile, do what you're doing here. Less rules, more observations and intuitions.
You'll be fine.
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