Thursday, July 5, 2007

Day Nine....Putting the peices together

It was my older sister that found me floating face down in the water.

I don't remember anything except coming to.
I was only Two at the time.

My family reminds me of how I cried when they ripped the pool down the following day.

It seems that my whole life I've been trying to get back to that moment in time thinking it was something I could find in the here and now.

Realizing many years later that the moment had past and with it much of my life.

I feel different.

Something inside has shifted and the fear that once ruled is for the moment quiet. As I continue to put one foot in foot in front of the other I know in time I will look back to see the distance I've traveled.

To see the healing that has occurred.

My sister had a mastectomy 10 days ago.

I look at her life and wonder what the meaning is behind it all is.
When she was diagnosed in November I was consumed with guilt.
I couldn't wrap my brain around it.

Why wasn't it me?

I had voluntarily tried to destroy myself on a moment to moment basis for over 12 years.

She had just had her second child four months earlier.
She had played by the rules.
She was a productive member of society.
It wasn't supposed to be her.

I have learned that life presents itself to each person in only the way they can comprehend. Each situation the ultimate opportunity for choosing a better way of life.

A better way of being.
A path that brings us closer to who we really are.

Addiction was my reality.
Cancer is her's.

My hope for her is the same hope I hold for myself.
That she will choose to take another look.
To see the patterns that have prevailed.
To see that change must take place.

I wasn't sure about the direction I wanted to take on this journey.
There was so much that just could not be taken with me.
Now that I've let it go it's easier to move.

One foot.
One second.
One moment.

I move forward to embrace the little girl I left floating face down in the pool so many years ago.
Gently taking her little hand in mine I look down to see her smile.

One foot.
One second.
One moment.

We move forward together.
As one.
Into the future that has been waiting patiently for our arrival.

Until Tomorrow,


Geoff said...

That is absolutely beautiful. Very eloquent and thoughtful. Great post. Keep at it!

MightyMorgan said...


You are so sweet and supportive..
Hope you had a nice 4th.

Ross12345 said...

That is one beautiful post! I loved every word on it.

- Thank for the comment, I like how im different to most men.