I haven't written because I've been moving from my apartment back out to my parents house in Long Island. It's a bit of a distance between both locations so much of my time has been occupied with driving and sitting in traffic.
I don't know about anyone else in this world but when I'm driving I'm in la-la land. Some of my craziest, kookiest ideas happen during this time. That's how I came up with this experiment.
I'm also very guilty of having conversations with myself as I drive.
I don't know why.
Half the time I don't even realize I'm doing it.
I tend to become aware that I am having a full on conversation with myself when I stop at red lights and notice the person in the car next to me.
All of a sudden I get real self conscious and will pretend I'm talking on my cell phone so the person in the car next to me doesn't think I'm totally nuts.
But I do have a bit of the "Nut" factor in me.
I'm okay with that...it makes my life more interesting and at times very chaotic.
So I'm having a conversation with myself trying to really determine what I want to do in life.
I know I'm not okay with sitting in an office trading 40 + hours of my time, energy and life so that the boss can go on vacation every month while I struggle to stay above water.
I know I don't want to go back to school again to find another career that bores the hell out of me.
So I asked myself,
"Self.....What do you want to do?"
and of course I answer myself.......
"I want to write."
When I was in rehab two years ago I met a man by the name of "The Rev."
He ran a few of the workshops in the rehab. I have been through so many different types of facilities and drug treatment programs and they all gave me the same information.
I had the information..it wasn't enough.
I needed understanding.
I needed comprehension.
I needed it to be said in a way that it hadn't been said before.
He was the man that did this....as he quotes,
"The clarity of my words are inescapable...they pierce the heart of understanding."
Now this was not any type of Reverend I ever met before....totally different.
The first time I met him he told us all...
"I don't preach at the first church of the nicy nice.
This ain't for the little old lady who sits in the first pew with hands folded, this is for addicts and alcoholics spoken in the language of the streets."
He has quietly touched and saved so many lives with his words.
He saved my life.
I lived a life of active addiction.
I know the ways of the streets.
I know how to manipulate the best of them.
I know how to be whoever I need to be in a moment to get what I want.
I know how to hide within myself.....so who I am can't be revealed.
He saw past it all.
He saw directly into the deepest parts of my being.
He saw my dreams.
In his workshops we HAD to fill out worksheets.
It was a requirement or you would get kicked out of the facility. So I listend and would write up a storm of comments and questions, I was on my best behavior.
I had gone so far down into the muck and misery of addiction that I was willing to do whatever I had to in order to stay clean, even the annoying worksheets
After one workshop he called me to the side and said he wanted to talk to me. I thought I had done something wrong because that's the only reason someone wanted to talk to me about something.
I followed him into his office sat down and waited.
He looked at me and told me,
"In all the years I have been doing these workshops I have never seen anyone write the way you do. You capture the concepts of the workshops and communicate my message perfectly."
"If you stay clean...If your interested I would like for you to translate my workshops into a book and we'll get it published."
That simple statement kept me clean for the first few months.
I didn't tell a soul because I was terrified that if I said it out loud it wouldn't come true.
I've stayed in touch with him for the past two years, just letting him know I was still doing good. He would send me his workshops as well as books for me to explore. But I have been so caught up in the drama of my life that I haven't spoken to him for a bit.
But I have been thinking about him constantly.
Gotta call the Rev.
Gotta write the Rev.
Gotta check in with the Rev.
Like I said I have conversations with myself as I drive.....
I had just finished explaining to myself that I wanted to write.
Two minutes later I get a call from the Rev.
He wants to meet and talk about the book he's writing.
I met him this morning for breakfast.
He told me about the book he was finishing that would be ready for publication by fall.
Told me about the website he was creating to make his workshops available online.
He asked if I wanted to come on board and work with him on it.
I told him of my journey through the past two years.
The understanding I came to.
The insight I have gained.
The experiment I was in the middle of.
We finished breakfast and made plans to meet in about two weeks to outline the particular details of it all.
Did I forget to mention.......
I'll also be meeting with his publishers on the book deal he worked out for me?
Is it possible to totally transform one's life in the course of 30 days in such a way that can only be described as a miracle?
I think the answer is becoming clearer then the bright blue of the morning sky as each day passes.