Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Seeds of Hope

As the world around me awakens from the deep frozen slumber of winter gray, I watch as the world around me is nudged back to life with each delicate brush stroke painted by Mother Nature upon this canvas of life.

I see that I too, have also begun to awaken in a spectacular display of self as the guiding force of the universe continues to gently caress the seeds of hope I planted, as they continually blossom into the life I live today.

It was this time last year that the beliefs I held about life in all it’s glory began to unravel within me, the threads of my sanity twisting and turning in the constant winds of change.

In the midst of this inner turmoil, I began to question myself, my life and everything I held to be true.

The life I worked so hard to build crumbled and fell apart and I was offered the ultimate opportunity that many never embrace within the contrasts of their own lives….

A chance to redefine my life.
A chance to recreate my life.

A chance to discover who I was at the core of my being.

I am so grateful for the way that life unfolded before me and more so that I jumped into the seemingly chaotic pit of despair, to finally and once and for all find relief from the one constant in this life that has never allowed me to feel at ease.

The constant that never felt pretty enough.
The constant that never felt smart enough.
The constant that secretly despised life.
The constant that felt abandoned.
The constant that felt unloved.
The constant that felt alone.
The constant that had tried to absolutely destroy herself time and time again.

The constant that was me..and within me, I found me.

The good.
The bad.
The indifferent.

It was when I gave myself permission, for a moment in time to let go of all these observations, labels, ideas and beliefs that I had dragged with me, did I realize that the stories they carried with them had only served to keep me trapped in a mold of incompletion that was nothing of who I was, am or meant to be.

I found freedom from me.

The process of a miracle I initiated within my own life led me out of the prison of self I had been trapped within for so long. I allowed myself to risk it all to discover once and for all if life was anything more then the struggle, pain and sacrifice I believed it to be.

The uncertainty that disguised itself as fear at the time was not as powerful as my determination to venture forth upon the path of cosmic stepping stones before me. I discovered that it was me and only me that had the power to be more that I had allowed myself to be.

I took responsibility for me.

This began as a thirty day experiment in which I challenged myself on every level possible to discover if anything was possible…and that tiny spark of hope became the very seeds of life that would free me from the limitations I had lived within for so long.

It’s a few months shy of a year since this all began and I can only say that from where stand in the present time…my life today is nothing short of miraculous. Those tiny seeds of hope I planted have sprouted from within the core of my being and my life is the living, breathing manifestation those seeds….



No comments: