Saturday, July 7, 2007
Day 11... Getting Ahead
My whole life I struggled to get ahead.
I tried every belief I carried in order to reap the promise of....
Peace of mind.
The results never reflected anything close to what I believed.
I didn't know I was missing a piece of the puzzle....
In order to get ahead.........You must first get even.
Until you get even you can never get clear.
I've been back at home, where I grew up for the past week.
I guess you can term that my "hometown".
It's been very healing in that it has fully allowed me to leave the emotional charge sparked earlier in this experiment when in my apartment.
To much inner emotional turmoil had polluted the space. If I would have stayed it would have slowly leaked back into me; enticing me with lies of the past once again.
I couldn't get clear there.
I couldn't get even there.
My family thinks I'm totally nuts.
They don't get what I'm trying to do.
I don't try to explain anymore.
They can't handle it.
I'm so okay with what I'm doing that at moments I wonder if I am totally nuts. But then a gentle reminder from the universe nudges me in it's subtle way through...
I was standing in a sea of flowers that is my Mother's garden.
The sun was streaming from above dancing down with the raindrops.
It's said you can't appreciate the sun without the rain.
You also can't appreciate the rain without the sun.
I love them both.
I'm heading back to Queens tomorrow.
I have no desire to stay there any longer.
I really never want to go back but I want a few things to take on this journey with me.
I still have no idea where I am going to live in 19 days and it doesn't phase me a bit. There are so many options and I don't want to limit myself by choosing an exact destination.
I only know that I want to be back on the Island.
I want to continue writing.
I want to continue with my artwork.
I want to continue to embrace the freedom I have granted myself.
When I started this experiment I wanted to measure it through people who would visit a page on one of my sites to get a little angel
But that was too rigid it didn't allow room for anything else And what has come about in the past 11 days speaks volumes more of the guidelines I had put into place.
I now allow myself to be flexible enough to "groove" with the ebb and flow of the universal tides.
I haven't checked my e-mails from the site for the past week so I was a bit shocked to see I had about 40 requests for this little angel.
But I have received 100's of e-mails of...
That's the hit.
But I would of never known that had I not first gotten clear.
Had I not allowed healing to occur.
Had I not allowed myself to get even.
Had I not allowed the Universe at large to gently breath faith into my spirit.
Anything is possible once I allow it to be.