Day Five.....Spiritual Vitamins

Day Five

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the crisp bright blue of the sky.
The breeze from the ocean smelled clean and sweet.
I knew that today was a day of healing.

It was time for me to turn over the pieces of my life and start the process of the healing of my inner spirit.

I let go of so much mental garbage in the past few days that I’m empty.
But I've purged myself of the wrong information....

It's time that I let the spirit of who I am to swell and fill the empty spaces that linger within.

But first I need to take my vitamins……

Vitamin LL
Vitamin K
Vitamin H
Vitamin U
Vitamin P
Vitamin S

…. the essentials in which to build a new foundation of beliefs for my life.

Spiritual Vitamins.

Love and Laughter
Kindness
Hope
Understanding
Peace
Serenity

I found out something amazing today....

My five years old nephew is Spider man.

In the past year and a half I have been so consumed with keeping the pieces of my new life together. Trying to hold on to what I had that their was no time for anything else.

Work .
Sleep.
Work.
Sleep.

That's not life.

That's a self-induced jail sentence.

Life seems to repeats itself over and over before you finally hear what it says.

“Hey Morgan…this ain’t working for ya”

God is always talking…it was just me that wasn't listening.

Often I discover a little too late that the flight has been redirected by the autopilot in my head and I’m in the first class section of life cruising at high altitude on my way to a place of pain.

Pain has a great way of getting my attention.

It starts a small crack in the unconscious thinking patterns; One second in which I can fully take a look at what I doing and why I am even doing it.

That’s what this 30 day experiment is all about.

Keeping the moment in my line of vision; allowing myself to steer my own course through life instead of running on the faulty beliefs that have just not worked.

Today was a day of embracing the love, laughter, blue skies and sunshine that is everywhere.

In every moment.
In every smile.
In every sweet breeze.
In every warm kiss of sunshine on my face.

The sparks of hope within me have set ablaze my willingness to continue in this process.

My persistence a roll of thunder opening every door of possibility.

I'll end with this story.

I heard it through a man I adore and whose belief in me began the process of me believing in myself.

His name is "The Rev".

I don't know if he is the true author or not. So if I am mistaken, please feel free to let me know.

A man comes home one evening after a long hot ride on the Long Island railroad. All he wants to do is sit in the cool breeze of the air conditioner.
Just as he begins to settle down, his son comes up to him.

"Daddy, I want you to play with me".

The father looks at the boy. He's hot, tired and just wants to relax for a bit.
So he looks around to see how he can buy some time. He spots a magazine with a map of the world on it.

He grabs the magazine and tears the map up in to little pieces and tells the boy when he puts it back together then he'll play with him.

The little boy walks away satisfied and the father sits back with a big smile, thinking to himself,

"That will keep him busy for a while."

In less then 5 minutes the boy comes running back to his father.

"I'm finished!"

"I'm finished!"

"Will you play with me now?"

The father sits up wondering how he could be done, he just gave it to him.

"Did your mother help you?" he asked.

"No, I did it all by myself."

The father looks to see if he really has put it back together. It was all taped up and a bit messy but he had put the map back together.

"How did you do that so fast?" the father asked the boy.

The little boy smile and looked at his father......

" I just turned it over and there was a picture of man....

I put the man back together and the whole world just fell into place."

I am in the process of succeeding……

Until tomorrow

Mighty Morgan

Day Four...Spiritual Detox

Day Four.

I couldn’t sleep last night.

My mind was a jumble of emotional fragments replaying the days events over and over in the calmness of “insomnia.”

Yesterday, I cleaned out quite a bit of the physical remnants of my past.

That night as each old memory resurfaced shedding layer after layer of emotion, unearthing all that has been hiding. It was nothing I had considered but never the less it revealed itself.

The attic.

The bottomless pit inside my mind that hid within its shadows; those silent tentacles that slithered out of its darkness, encircling themselves around me gripping me firmly in the past.

I was about to experience a Spiritual Detox.

It was about 11:00am before I finally felt tired enough to fall asleep.
I felt empty and a bit scared of what the effect of releasing so much emotional turmoil would be.

I never lived without the distorted comforts of my beliefs and letting go of so much in such a short amount of time left me feeling almost incomplete.
Fear may grow within the emptiness of uncertainty….

But so does my spirit.

I fell asleep but not into the deep la-la fantasy of candy land dreams. Inside me the pieces of myself I had imprisoned within the deepest part of my being prepared themselves for the battle of my freedom. To confront the fat sloth of my ego which sat heavily upon my spirit munching away on a hot fudge sundae of my pain.

It was time for me to be released.
I had served my sentence.
I had willingly done my time and it was time for me to take my freedom back.

It seemed that I was awake but asleep… if that’s even possible. I was in the kitchen of my apartment and something kept playing tricks on me. The stove would go on without me turning it on. Things kept appearing and reappearing. It was just freaky.

When I awoke bits and pieces were still with me but mostly I didn’t remember what it was about. I couldn’t really make sense of the remnants that lingered, so into the kitchen I went to get a cup of coffee. As I’m standing there still half asleep I look at my stove…and I remember the dream.

I remember how the stove was burning something and I now saw what it was. I looked around me and I saw it all. Every memory of every event I felt I was a victim of….

The metal divot on the stove from Mike, The first serious boyfriend I ever had who cheated on me again and again.

The vase from the apartment where I first stuck a needle in my arm.

The rug in my bedroom with the burn holes from nodding out.

The clothes from Will who had beaten, raped and imprisoned me for years.

The jewelry from Karl who treated me like a cheap porn star.

On and on the list went. It was all there with me now.

The self-deceit.
The lies.
The torture.
The insecurity.
The jealously.
The anger.
The resentment.
The self-pity.
The disillusion.
The disappointment.
The lost hopes of my dreams.

The absolute boiling hatred of myself that oozed out from these wounds infecting every action I displayed throughout my life.

I had voluntary carried it all with me never understanding or comprehending for a moment it all represented...

THE PAIN.

It was everything I never wanted my life to be and everything my life was.

I cried.

I cried for the burden of shame I silently carried into adulthood of the man who molested me.
I cried for the little girl that felt so ugly and unloved.
I cried for the girl I grew into who settled for the table leftovers of love tossed to me by men that I allowed to abused me.
I cried for the woman I became who was determined to destroy herself.

I’m crying as I write this, because I know I don’t have to keep this anymore. I don’t have to carry any of it. Every bit and piece of the pain is not a burden I choose to follow me into the future.

I’m free.

I choose me.


Until tomorrow
Be blessed

Mighty Morgan

Day Three..Letting go of the Luggage

Day Three

I have emotional luggage I have dragged with me never comprehending the burden of it's weight.

For YEARS I carried with me a nagging feeling of uncomfortable desperation. I always felt bad and I hated it. My so called "solution" was to do everything and anything to completely avoid my "feelings."

To numb them.
To drown them.
To absolutly obliterated them.
To destroy them.

The result was the hopelessness I aimlessly floundered in. Lost within the dark empty void of my life. I did not understand that in not experiencing the natural flow of my emotions I essentially became an unwilling participate within my own life.

I never took responsibility for the way I felt and blamed everything outside of myself.

When I finally broke free from the needle of addiction implanted in my arm; I was an emotional mess. I never acknowledged the power my emotions had. I never knew how they in manifested as the life I lived.

In the first sevearal months of being clean I couldn’t discern what emotions were what. All I knew wasI feel good and I feel bad and I definitely did not prefer the bad. I remember I was given a photocopy of a pictures of all the different range of emotions and I had no idea what 90% of them were.

It took some time but slowly I began to see the internal map of my emotions and how they led me to certain people, places, things, ideas and circumstances again and again despite the pain they seemed to produce.

I began to hear the once silent directions they whispered to me to. I began to understand I had a within me a map created with my emotions and the directions were the distorted perception of past experiences which always left me lost.

Everything has emotion and the charge of each is revealed through the perceptions of them.

I’ve been cleaning out all my stuff, getting ready for the move I will be making in the next month. I I found boxes filled with "stuff". Words scribbled on peices of faded paper, rocks, old diaries, concert tickets; Junk. All little fragments and bits of my past that at some point in time meant something to me.

Some of this "junk" held good positive memories. But most of it were things which I had no recollection of. I didn't know what they are, where they came from and why I even had them them. ......And they made me feel bad.

I couldn't understand what was compelling me to hold on to all this “stuff”? On a conscious level they seemed to mean nothing to me? But on a subconscious level there was an attachment…

There was emotion.

What I believe, how I believe and what I experience are all directly tied into my emotions and each of these little fragments of my past emotions produced such an emptiness that reached into the pit of my stomach.

I asked my self why I would voluntary kept things that made me feel bad. I don’t know why? But I do know that all the negative wrapped neatly around these pieces of my past was baggage

BaggageI have unconsciously dragged with me for years. A subtle way my beliefs have held their perceptions of my past experiences; Good, bad and indifferent. A means for my past to continually reveal itself in my present.

Then there was all the new baggage I’ve added in the past two years; The T.V, the furniture all the things in my apartment that I worked like a slave to acquire. All of it carrying with it the emotions of the struggle it took to acquire it all.

Now why would I want to continue to drag this with me into each and every day?

I didn't need to figure that out I just needed to let it go and I tossed it all. It’s all just stuff,

I have five coffee tables……Why?

"Just in case I would tell myself"

In case of what, I have a party that needs five coffee tables?

This process of letting go of is a times an emotional detox. It 'feels" uncomfortable and my natural instinct is to do or find something to substitute the feeling.

But I traveled to those destinations already and I haven't been so impressed with the scenery.

I need to go through the process of weeding out these emotions. Plucking the ripened fruits of beliefs that have grown in the fertile soil of my being. Extracting the suffocating roots of my life experiences they have implanted themselves in.

In some moments I am painfully aware of how my past wants to sneak itself into my present. I feel the emotional turmoil of the past struggling to force itself upon the present attempting to paint it's deceptive illusions on the canvas of my life.

It's time to let it all go..time to finally leave the past where it belongs......

in yesterday.



Until tomorrow…

Be blessed Mighty Morgan

Day Two...The Process of Acceptance

Day Two......Acceptance


I’ll start this as I started the others….

“Is it’ possible to transform one’s life within the course of thirty days in such a way that can only be described as a miracle?”

I believe so and I intend to do so.
But once again what is this miracle I am looking to manifest?

At the present moment I am unemployed in the conventional sense of being “employed”.
I will be moving out of my apartment as of August first, due to my inability to pay the rent.

Seems a bit drab, seems that the solution is for me to just go out and get a job, work, work, work. Save my money and just move on. But that’s exactly what I have always done,with exactly the same results. I don’t believe for one minute if I do exactly what I have always done that in someway I am going to get a result any different then I ever had before.

That little seed of truth was one I missed again and again.

My understanding of the universe at large is that it will give you the same situation again and again until you begin to see it differently. Trust me when I say initially I was freaking out, I was so consumed with self-pity and anger I couldn’t see that I was being offered the exact thing I wanted…..

The opportunity to change my life.

Most of what I have always done never made sense to me

That’s what the struggle was.
That’s where the dis-contentment was.
That’s where the disappointment was.

I was living a life dressed in the suit of someone else’s beliefs and it just didn’t fit. I always thought that something was wrong with me because I just couldn’t seem to live in the world the way I was “Supposed” to.

I have done a million different things, but never the things that “feel” right to me.

Trying to live in the world wearing the wrong set of beliefs is like trying to live under water with no oxygen tank it’s a struggle just to survive. That’s my life in a sentence or what my life was, a struggle to survive.

But I’m a fighter; not in the sense of violent, knock down drag down, don’t look at me the wrong way or else. I mean that deep down inside of me there was always that fire that fought against all I was told to accept, because it knew there was more then what “was”.

I became aware of how this whole situation was an opportunity for me to change my life was in the midst of trying to figure out how to kill myself.

After all the hard work I put into rebuilding my life; within the span of a few months I had lost it all. Not because I did anything wrong, life just presented itself and I folded under the pressure.

I was tired of fighting to survive.
I was tired of barely scraping by after working 50 something hours a week.
I was tired of standing in my kitchen looking into empty cabinets; crying & wondering how it was possible that at 33 years old I couldn’t feed myself in one of the richest countries of the world.

So I gave up. I decided if this is what life was about I wasn’t interested in being apart of it another second longer. But like I said…I’m a fighter and even if I didn’t know it in the moment…something within me knew more was about to be revealed.

I’ve learned that in life the moments where you feel the most hopeless is when you find the greatest strength.

I got pissed.
I got mad.
I got angry.

I took a stand and said…

”No more”.

I made a decision that no matter what I would do whatever to find a different way to live. I became willing to give up everything I have in order to free myself from its deceptive hold. I would risk making a fool of myself, risk falling flat on my face, risk people calling me nuts. Knowing full well that others would resist what I was doing and would tell me that it couldn’t be done.

I’m ok with that, because I have never felt so free, so unlimited, and so hopeful. I have never felt so “right” and I’m not allowing anyone or anything to tell me or convince me that the life I was living was one I should happily return to in sad defeat.

When I was in rehab two years ago a wise man by the Rev. told me….

“People will tell you that you are a failure, that what you are doesn’t amount to much of anything…and you probably believe them. But instead of thinking and believing you’re a failure try this on for size”.

“You are a person in the process of succeeding…having a difficult time.”

This was the first time I ever learned that situations could only have as much power as the beliefs you attach to them. So that is my new motto.

I am a person in the process of succeeding...... but it’s not me having a difficult time. It’s those that are uncomfortable with what I am doing that are having the difficult time

I just want to take a moment and thank everyone that has gone out of their way to contact me in reference to this experiment. I am so grateful and overwhelmed with the support I have received.


Thank you
Until Tommorow,

Mighty Morgan

Day One..My Hopes

The Process of a Miracle
Day One….

I posed the question to the universe at large….
“Is it possible to transform ones life in the course of thirty days, in a way that can only be described as a miracle.”

My intention with this question is to transform my own life into the life I dream of having. The life I believe I can have if I continue to follow the inner voice within that tells me it’s possible.

What is the life I dream about you may ask?

One in which I am free to live based in the desires I hold within; instead of a life lived by the faulty beliefs I accumulated by mis-informed people.

I am an artist.
I I ama dreamer that dreams big.
I am someone willing to go to any lengths to shatter the beliefs of,

“Life is hard.”
“Life is a struggle.”
“Life is a bitch and then you die.”
“There are the have and the have not’s”
“Artists starve.”
“Life is work, work is life.”

I have accepted these statements and the mediocre results they have produced and I am no longer interested in validating these as the experience of my own life.

I firmly believe that life offers a multiplicity of opportunities with each moment allowing me to choose the life I want. But there are parts of this picture puzzle missing and at times I find it difficult to put it all together. What I have discovered is that everything I’ve learned, all that I have known has essentially blocked me from attaining the life that I want.

Experience is the condition that rules us and also serves to be the limitations in comprehending that there is anything more then what may be known.

It’s like telling someone that has never seen the color blue, what blue is.

You can't.

The belief systems I carry with me have never fully worked for me. This I did not know because I did not understand that I had a choice to believe in anything else. So this experiment is a work in progress of me redefining the so-called limits I myself have created in my own life.

This is not easy, in no way shape or form is it easy. I have no idea of where I am heading or the path I am creating for my future. That in it’s self is scary as anything but it’s also a relief. I have tried to live my life in the way that others have told me I had to live and I always ended up in the same place wondering,

“How the heck did I end up here AGAIN”.

At this point in time I’m not so interested in arriving at the destination of “again” over and over. It’s said that,

“When the pain out weight the pleasure, change will occur”.

I realize that there was never any pleasure, just a distorted sense of security of what I believed to be comfort. Survival mode is what I’ve known for so long that I convinced myself that it was comfortable. In the same way I convinced myself that high heeled boots were comfortable, that is until I put on a pair of sneakers.

Do I really know how I am going to transform my life??? Nope, not a clue. But I do know that I am doing the things I love to do. I’m drawing, I’m writing. I’m doing everything I always wanted to do; I am following my bliss. Something I never did because I thought that I would do it sometime in the future after…

“All my bills were paid.”
"I had more time"

“I made more money.”
“I got a better job."

When the world would align itself in such a way that everything that seemed to stand in my way would just dissolve. The only problem was that it wasn’t the world that needed to align itself, it was me.

I was the one scared to live my dreams.

I was the one scared to live out side my so- called “comfort” zone.

I was the one that created the mess of a life I lived in and blamed the world at large for making it that way.

If I want more out of life I have to do something different.

That’s what this is about, what this experiment is about. I am challenging myself on the deepest level that one can. Allowing myself the freedom to discover once and for all if anything is possible.

There are so many people out in the world today that say with certainty that my life can be a physical expression of the desires and dreams I hold deep within my heart of hearts. How this becomes possible? I’m not sure. But I do know if I sit around and wonder about the “How” of this, then nothing happens.

All I know is that once again in my life I am giving up EVERYTHING, in order to gain something else. And when I say everything I mean just that.

The life I worked to create for the past two years is gone.

Thank God for that.

If you want to participate in this…..do me a favor let me know I’m not alone.
If you think I’m nuts then humor me.


Until tomorrow …

Mighty Morgan

The Experiment

The Process of a Miracle…..

Is it possible to change one’s life in the course of thirty days? To have such transformations occur in which the seemingly limited capacity of comprehension can stretch past it’s own boundaries into the untapped potential of possibilities?

A miracle defined, is an event that is unexplained by the laws of nature.

Ok, so what does that mean?

My own interpretation follows this line of reason; that my own view of my personal circumstances or situations openly enter into the realm of the unknown. Deep within the prison cell of my beliefs, my perceptions freely expand to experience life at another level, beyond the depths of reason.

Essentially my beliefs become non-existent in the ever-increasing freedom of my awareness. The potential power of the universe unleashes itself to manifest within my life as an event.

Only to be described by myself as well as others as a miracle.

So what is this miracle transformation I am intending to occur within the next thirty days? In order for that to be clear; I need to explain the current situation or my perception as well as how I arrived at this point in time.

I made a decision two years ago that I would go to any lengths to completely change my life. To discard ALL of the beliefs about what I learned or thought I knew. Permitting myself to heal from the limitations I clung to in desperation; living my life in the cesspool of heroin addiction.

I lived in the shadows of existence in a paper bag of hopelessness, fighting for years to stop. Each failed attempt only reinforced the reality of my life as the expression of the cliche

“Once a junkie, always a junkie.”

On September 4th, 2005…. Instead of fighting the addiction….I began to fight for me. Understanding that the person reflected back to me in the mirror was not who I wanted to be or anything close to I really was.

In order to reclaim the bits and pieces of who I truly was I need I needed a new canvas of life to paint myself on. I needed to forget every belief I held in my consciousness. Thus initiating the process of the miracle to occur within my own personal existence. The re-creation of myself, which simply is the person I am today.

Some may not understand this as a miracle or even dismiss it as one. For those who have had the effects of addiction within their own lives or by default by those they love; know that it’s a miracle. Because the sad, sad truth of addiction is that more die and suffer in it’s prison, then those who escape to freedom.

On September 4, 2007, it will be exactly two years since I stuck that needle in my arm for the last time. My life since then has become more then anything I had ever believed possible and continues to be so. I believe I can initiate yet another miracle at this point in time simply because I made a decision that it will be so.

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote,

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”

I know this to be true for my life is the manifestation of that decision I made close to two years ago. It was not easy, very unpleasant at times. But I had the willingness and allowed this process by permitting a “Higher Power” to set the ground rules.

Initially this was the staff at the Detox, then the counselor’s in rehab and those running the outpatient facility. I surrendered my life of distorted self-sufficiency to that of the welfare system. I relinquished my life to anyone and anything that had more of a clue how to live other then myself.

I finally understood, what I knew about life equaled roughly ten hospital Detox’s, three trips to rehabs and several outpatient facilities, a trip to jail and too much self inflicted misery..

I’m smart, but my intelligence had nothing to do with creating the life I dreamed of as a little girl. In fact I had created the exact opposite…. a freaking nightmare not only for me but all those that had the unfortunate experience of crossing my path during the years of my active addiction.

Today I am closer to the person I want to be, closer to the person I really am. But at the moment I’m flailing, I really have no clue.

Another junction in the so-called crossroads of life and the signpost are blank. You see this is all new to me, I have not yet written any pages in this part of the book of my life.

A wise man by the name “Rev.” once told me,

“Life is a book. Each day we write a page in this book by virtue of our behaviors. No erasures allowed!”

I can’t change anything that I may have done in my life may it be good bad or indifferent. But I can write a new story from this point on. I have the power to re-create my life and re-create myself.

I chose to heal.

Heal myself from all the mis-information I gathered from all the other mis-informed people. I made a decision to finally choose what I wanted to experience in this life, instead of clinging to the hopes I allowed others to paint my dreams on.

Those that know me, know that after working at my job for close to two years I just quit. That little voice within spoke volumes of truth that echoed through the illusion of the reality I held on to. I couldn’t ignored the truth that no one would have the power for me to live my dreams, except me.

I always thought of “risk” as something in which I would lose something. What I’ve come to realize though is risk is what I don’t stand to gain if not seized when it presents itself as the opportunity of change.

I’m not interested in slaving away at a job for years waiting for the day I retire to “then” live the life I want. I’m not interested in living each day chasing after the illusion of tomorrow and all that it promises, because I lose today.

That’s what happened I worked like a dog for the past year and a half, barely scraping by. Thinking it was the way to get where I wanted in life. But there is no “there” so to speak, there is only here. And I want every moment “here” to be one in which reflects a life lived in the unlimited possibilities and not one lived in limitations.

So now here is where I explain the reason for this experiment. The day I walked out of my job, I had no back up plan and no idea of what was going to happen. All I knew that another chapter of my life was about to be written and it was not going to be a chapter I already lived.

I believe this is a kind, generous universe. I believe that for a majority of us we all want people to succeed, to be happy, to be prosperous. We all want this for ourselves as well.

When watching a movie we all cheer for the little guy that risks it all for a dream. Yet when the movies end we all forget that we too have the same desires for our own dreams. The daily bump and grind on the treadmill of “what is” extinguishes away any of the hopes that were sparked.

So how can this truth become a manifestation of a miracle?

With belief, with your participation I know that this can be evident in the results. I’m asking that only others that believe or even want to believe to be part of this.

The idea has been unleashed into the universe at large. Now all that needs to happen is simply the process of the miracle to unfold. Is it possible for me to remove myself from obscurity? To have my intentions realized by this message as it ripples through the universe? To have the intention return to me as the manifestation of the life that resonates as the truth of the life I choose to live?

Will you be “a part” of this or “apart” from the promise of a miracle in your own life?

The choice is yours.

As for me I already made the decision that this will reach exactly who it needs to in order for this to occur. The truth of the matter is that if this becomes possible for me then it becomes possible for you.


Until Tomorrow,

Mighty Morgan